To Catch a Predator x To Catch a Predator
by charadesofchagrin
Summary: Hisoka meets Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC


Catch A Predator x Catch A Predator

*SCHWING* All of Heaven's Arena was engulfed in blinding light. The light source: Hisoka Morow, leaned his torso back. The man's hips jutted outward and illuminated the entire area, all with a slick smile on his face. "I'm getting turned on~." Was what he whispered to his opponent: 12 year old Gon.

Gon reeled back in surprise and anticipation at what Hisoka would do. Hisoka once again filled the room with his murderous intent. It wasn't directed specifically at Gon, but it felt just as strong nonetheless. Seeds of doubt were being planted in Gon's mind. It felt like none of Wing-san's training had prepared him for this. It was overwhelming, the real fight was about to begin.

Hisoka snapped out of his orgasm and stood up to meet Gon in the eyes, and before Gon could recognize what he was doing with the use of Gyo, he whisked his finger back to himself. Gon was tethered by the Bungee Gum, which has the properties of both rubber and gum, and drawn towards his opponent. Right as Gon was in front of Hisoka, the clown launched a right cross straight into the boy's cheek.

The green child flew back. Killua, while watching, yelled at Gon for falling into such an obvious ploy. At the same time however, tears welled up in his eyes seeing what happened to his friend. Wing and Zushi had to restrain him.

Gon careened into the arena's wall. He wasn't out of the fight, but he was certainly damaged. Though due to his determination he got back up and faced the pedo.

Hisoka had given him a warning that Transmuters like himself were very fickle. Something happened in that moment, and Hisoka just didn't feel the same excitement for Gon than he had before. I mean, of course his feelings towards him sexually were as present as ever, but he just lost the thrill of battling him. Gon lunged toward the clown, but he simply sidestepped, and turned his back. "What? Are you quitting or something? Fight me damn it!" Screamed the tired green youth. Hisoka looked over his shoulder and said: "To tell the truth, I've grown rather bored. I'm not as impressed with fighting you as I thought I'd be, so we're done."

Gon would not accept this. He had come all this way just for this man to belittle him? "No! You're going to fight no matter what." And with that Hisoka sighed. "Shame." He uttered. "I didn't want to nip you at the bud, but it seems like if you're soo insistent, then I guess I'll just have to kill you~" So, Hisoka whipped out two of his playing cards, and appeared behind Gon, ready to decapitate him. "NO!" Killua choked on his tears screaming. However, unbeknownst to any party involved, Gon dodged at the last second, and Hisoka sliced only air.

After missing, Hisoka realized that Gon never dodged at all, he was pushed! Gon was taken safely to the seats of the arena. This really confused the commentators and referee. Hisoka was given the win by default.

But the fight wasn't over quite yet! Becomes here comes a new challenger. The one who saved Gon stood across from Hisoka in the middle of the arena. He didn't approach him at first, he only looked at Hisoka observantly and said: "You seem pretty comfortable there." He was a middle aged man with a slim figure and suit. Surrounding him was an entourage of cameramen and soundmen. Hisoka had seen this man often, and had done his best to avoid him, but they had finally met. That man, of course, is Chris Hansen.

"Shit!" thought Hisoka. "I knew I shouldn't have gone to a publicly broadcasted event like this, but I thought I could avoid it. Damn it! Why now? There are so many worse people who participate in this! The boss of The Phantom Troupe participates in this sport! Why isn't anyone going after him?"

"Hello, I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC. Why don't you have a seat over there?" Hisoka, against his will, sat down in a chair that suddenly appeared. "Is this his Hatsu?" He thought. "It's so powerful! I can't get out of it!"

"So." Chris Hansen began to speak. "Have you heard of Dateline NBC? Do you know why both of us are here today?" Hisoka couldn't say anything, only nod his head in shame. "I'm sure you know, we've been keeping records of your activity. Tell me, what did you say to this twelve year old boy?" Chris pointed at Gon. Hisoka started to feel some sadness. It wasn't guilt, more so a plead for pity. "Y—you turn me on…." Chris nodded, looking through his binder. "And don't lie to me for this one. We here at Dateline NBC have been keeping track of your aura for a long time, and ever since you met Gon and Killua, it's concentrated in a certain place. Do you know where that place is?" Hisoka did that sweat drop thing that they did one time i but do a lot more in worse shows like Naruto. "M—my." He was legitimately crying, pleading for God to let the suffering end. Little did he know, Togashi was on hiatus.

"My dick, sir…. It concentrated in my penis." Hisoka slumped down, completely dead inside. This was worse than that one time he and Illumi dormed together in college. "Tell me." Chris Hansen continued. "What's your plan?" Hisoka paused for a minute. "Well sir, pardon my language, but I feel like a reeaaaal doof." Chris Hansen looked uneasy at that response. "We're gonna have to bleep that one out." He whispered while turning to his camera crew. "Anyway." He continued. "We also have your chat logs from your text conversations with Gon and Killua." And he proceeded to show said conversations on the Jumbo screens of the arena while reading them out.

"HISOKA: Hey Hon. GON: Who are you? HISOKA: Murderous intent isn't the only thing I'm sending at you baby. GON: Wtf who are you? HISOKA: Well I'm certainly not your dad that's for sure. Yet…."

Hisoka groaned. He truly had never experienced so much suffering. However it would only be magnified when Chris Hansen showed the conversations with Killua.

"HISOKA: Your brother's letting me borrow you for a little~. KILLUA: What the hell is this? HISOKA: The start of your training. I'll show you a new use for aura. KILLUA: Hisoka?! I'll fucking kill you. You won't get away with this! HISOKA: Y'know, my fingers aren't the only place bungee gum cums from~. KILLUA: -_- Illumi said he didn't say anything about this. HISOKA: Fucking dumbass can't make up his mind -_- …."

Chris Hansen turned to the slouched magician, much more visibly angered. "All of this to two twelve year olds. What is the reason you do this?" Hisoka looked up to Chris Hansen, the only expression on his face was malice. "Because I live to fight, and seeing the power that these two could possess turns me on. It gets me so aroused knowing that one day they will grow up to be monsters. And that day, I'll be there to kill them." He licked his lips like in a hentai. "It doesn't have anything to do with their age, that's simply the circumstance. I'm only into their potential."

But alas, Hisoka's defense was all for naught. Chris Hansen looked at him, like a psychologist would observe their patient, and nodded. "Yes. I'm sure that's what you thought when looking at both of their asses on the island."

Hisoka looked shocked, and screamed in protest: "That hasn't even happened yet!" The police came then came into the arena, surrounding the man from all directions, placed him under arrest, and carted him off to a prison van.

Since Hisoka was taken off of the premises and couldn't claim his prize, it was rewarded to Gon instead. Gon, Killua Wing, and Zushi all celebrated a victory party by going to Applebee's (but that's a story for another time maybe).

A shadowy pink haired woman observed what occurred during the fight, and exited the arena normally with the rest of the crowd. It was pouring rain in the city when Machi pulled out a cellphone to call someone. Chrollo Lucifer, boss of the infamous band of thieves known as the Phantom Troupe, was there to answer on the line. "Yes Machi? What is it?" Machi sighed, in slight disappointment. "Hisoka lost the fight—more than lost, he was captured, and is being carted off to prison. Just thought I'd let you know." The bandit closed his book slowly, sitting up straight. "My, that's troublesome indeed." As soon as Machi received his response, she asked: "So what are your orders, boss?" Chrollo gave a smile that expressed a sadistic sort of excitement and nostalgia. "Everyone come over where I am. We're breaking him out."


End file.
